Blogging the Process
I've kept this to myself, except for the comments section at Firedoglake, responding to the post about Jane Hamsher's 3rd bout with breast cancer, very briefly. I found a lump in my breast a few weeks ago, and go soon for a diagnostic mammogram and an ultrasound.
I've kept silent for a couple of reasons, primarily the fear. Holy shit, the fear is amazing. Every single person I've spoken with (in real life, not on the internets) who has had an experience like this, says the same thing. Everyone I've spoken to has said that you just go to the scariest place possible automatically. Once you're in that place, it's hard to dislodge yourself from it. There are no accidents, and in the last month there's been an increase in the number of people I know or know of having this illness. It's hopefully coincidence that I found my lump when I did.
I came out of my fear recently. I've made some difficult decisions about what I will do if I am really sick. Amazingly, making those decisions has made the fear of the process disappear. I'm no longer stressed about the outcome, because I know the outcome will be what it is supposed to be. I process everything six ways from Sunday, so I'm confident that I won't have a last minute panic attack when I get my test results.
My blog is read by maybe 3 people (not really, but not far from the truth). I don't have international exposure. So I tip my hat to Jane and Christy at Firedoglake, because it will be through them that women everywhere will pay attention to their health care. Just by blogging Jane's process will make them stand up and take notice of themselves; and Christy posted I believe yesterday about the importance of getting mammograms.
This is a personal issue. This is also a political issue. Health care for women is seriously fucked up in general, and breast cancer specifically is highly political. I will post results when I am able emotionally, but for right now, support Firedoglake while they struggle through their own crisis. And get a mammogram. Now, back to the politics.
I've kept silent for a couple of reasons, primarily the fear. Holy shit, the fear is amazing. Every single person I've spoken with (in real life, not on the internets) who has had an experience like this, says the same thing. Everyone I've spoken to has said that you just go to the scariest place possible automatically. Once you're in that place, it's hard to dislodge yourself from it. There are no accidents, and in the last month there's been an increase in the number of people I know or know of having this illness. It's hopefully coincidence that I found my lump when I did.
I came out of my fear recently. I've made some difficult decisions about what I will do if I am really sick. Amazingly, making those decisions has made the fear of the process disappear. I'm no longer stressed about the outcome, because I know the outcome will be what it is supposed to be. I process everything six ways from Sunday, so I'm confident that I won't have a last minute panic attack when I get my test results.
My blog is read by maybe 3 people (not really, but not far from the truth). I don't have international exposure. So I tip my hat to Jane and Christy at Firedoglake, because it will be through them that women everywhere will pay attention to their health care. Just by blogging Jane's process will make them stand up and take notice of themselves; and Christy posted I believe yesterday about the importance of getting mammograms.
This is a personal issue. This is also a political issue. Health care for women is seriously fucked up in general, and breast cancer specifically is highly political. I will post results when I am able emotionally, but for right now, support Firedoglake while they struggle through their own crisis. And get a mammogram. Now, back to the politics.
posted by NewsClues at Saturday, January 20, 2007
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